Discovering that your personal odor is offensive can be unpleasant. If someone expresses distaste or subtly offers you a breath mint, your initial reaction might be to defend yourself.
However, a better approach exists. Etiquette expert Sara Jane Ho, host of a Netflix show, advises, “The first thing you should do is thank them.” Showing gratitude for a comment about your hygiene may seem counterintuitive, but Ho explains, “For every person who voices a concern, many others are likely thinking the same thing but remain silent.” Therefore, expressing gratitude with a simple “thank you” is crucial.
Instead of dwelling on the comment negatively, Ho suggests viewing it as an opportunity for personal growth. It’s important not to internalize the criticism, although she admits that’s often challenging. She states, “This highlights the difference between someone secure and someone insecure, as secure individuals don’t take critical feedback as a personal attack.” Insecure individuals, on the other hand, may become defensive and react negatively to the person who raised the issue. Building self-esteem, practicing self-compassion, and seeking professional help can be beneficial.
Similar to Ho, etiquette coach Akilah Siti Easter emphasizes the importance of expressing “thank you” when receiving feedback on hygiene. If someone suggests she might want to brush her teeth, she says, “I actually tell them I appreciate that. I’m thankful they prevented me from embarrassing myself in front of more people.” Easter interprets the person’s comfort in approaching her as a sign of a close bond. “They’re trying to protect me as I’m engaging with other people,” she explains. “So I say ‘thank you so much,’ and I’ll probably go rinse my mouth.”
Easter is also teaching her daughter to embrace and value suggestions about hygiene. She often asks her questions like, “Hey, does mommy’s breath stink?” Or, after a workout, she might say, “Mommy stinks, doesn’t she?” Easter explains, “I’m letting her know that I’m comfortable and aware of my body, so she feels she can reciprocate that.” Her goal is for her daughter to develop confidence in both giving and receiving feedback as she grows up. “People often only feel embarrassed about things when others point them out,” she says. “And sometimes, there’s no need for embarrassment.”
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