Years ago, Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman experienced a rough patch in their friendship. They couldn’t pinpoint the reason for their strained communication, but something felt amiss.
Sow and Friedman, authors of the book “____”, are deeply invested in their friendship. Seeking an unconventional solution, they turned to friendship therapy. Similar to traditional couples therapy, a therapist helped them understand their relationship dynamics, identify areas of conflict, and navigate a path forward together.
“The structure was essential, because without it, we were just discussing superficial matters. We couldn’t see the underlying patterns,” Sow says. “It was comforting to have someone who didn’t know us ask these probing questions.”
When Sow and Friedman sought friendship therapy in 2016, it was a relatively unfamiliar concept. They faced challenges finding a therapist who specialized in working with friends rather than romantic or business partners. They even had to dismiss one clinician who became fixated on the idea that they might be romantically attracted to each other. However, the notion of friendship therapy is gaining traction as people acknowledge the significance of friendship and the fact that many individuals struggle to maintain healthy friendships.
“Our societal understanding of friendship is evolving,” says Miriam Kirmayer, a clinical psychologist and friendship expert based in Canada.
Barbie Atkinson, who offers friendship therapy at Catalyst Counseling in Houston, is witnessing the effects of this shift in her practice. She recalls receiving calls from individuals who wanted to engage in therapy with a friend but were unsure if it was permissible. Today, approximately 25% of her clients comprise pairs or even groups of friends seeking therapy together.
Friends come to Atkinson for various reasons, such as reconciling political differences, managing conflicts, or navigating challenging life transitions—like one friend becoming a parent or relocating for a new job. “It’s typical human experience,” she says.
The process isn’t vastly different from what a romantic couple would experience in therapy, except that friend sessions usually don’t involve discussions about sex, romance, or co-parenting, Atkinson clarifies. Similar to working with spouses, she helps her friendship-therapy clients grasp their relationship dynamics, define their communication patterns (and areas for improvement), and set goals for their relationship. “You see two individuals who are eager to reconnect—who are saddened by the deterioration of their relationship and are actively striving to mend it,” Atkinson explains.
Unless a friendship has become toxic or abusive, to the point where friends feel physically or psychologically unsafe together, most conflicts or roadblocks can be resolved collaboratively, says Victoria Kress, a professor of psychological sciences and counseling at Youngstown State University in Ohio. During her time as a college counselor, she regularly worked with friends, mediating issues ranging from roommate conflicts to the aftermath of disagreements between close friends. She believes that mature adults should be able to seek therapy for their own relationship challenges.
“The majority of my career has been dedicated to helping people who have been hurt in relationships achieve healthy connections,” Kress says. “Friendship counseling is a phenomenal avenue for fostering growth and healing that will positively impact all relationships in a person’s life.”
Strengthening friendships can be transformative. Research increasingly suggests that close friendships, potentially even more crucial than familial bonds, are essential for well-being. Americans appear to be taking notice. As of 2023, 61% of U.S. adults value their friendships deeply, compared to only around a quarter who felt the same about marriage or having children. As more individuals opt out of traditional milestones, some are seeking alternative sources of support, companionship, and care—often involving nurturing these bonds with professional guidance.
Limited official data exists on the popularity of friendship therapy, possibly due to its lack of formal specialization; there’s no separate certification process or degree specifically required to offer it. Essentially, friendship therapy is simply “systemic therapy”—a therapeutic approach that examines how an individual’s relationships affect their well-being, often forming the foundation of couples therapy—applied to a platonic pair, explains Paul Hokemeyer, a Colorado-based marriage and family therapist.
Hokemeyer states that he’s not aware of many clinicians who focus exclusively on friendship therapy, but he’s observed a surge in patient demand for this service. He’s even worked with friends himself, including a pair struggling to navigate the transition from college to adulthood while maintaining their relationship.
Hokemeyer suggests that friendship therapy seems particularly appealing to millennials, who tend to be comfortable seeking therapy and prioritize friendship. “There’s a genuine yearning for human connection and meaningful relationships,” he says. “Millennials, in particular, value connections, experiences, and their mental health.”
Kirmayer confirms a noticeable increase in interest as well. In recent years, she began receiving numerous requests for friendship therapy from diverse locations—which, due to licensing constraints, she couldn’t provide to individuals outside her province—leading her to shift her focus towards developing friendship-centered workshops accessible to people anywhere. “This is a challenge that many of us face,” she says.
