Bring back Romance

Many lead unromantic lives, especially concerning relationships. From formal dating to emotionally distant couples resembling roommates, the joy has been lost, making romance seem elusive or idealistic.

However, romance isn’t just for dreamers. It’s achievable if we acknowledge our self-imposed obstacles. Romance can exist amidst the daily grind.

My work as a sex coach involves helping people recognize how their daily lives hinder them, and how relaxation, dreaming, and even leisure allow romance to re-emerge.

Many couples I work with desire more sex. When I inquire about nonsexual intimacy (romance), they cite time constraints. When I ask about their last time together without work or commitments, they recall vacations or deep conversations – moments of shared joy and natural connection, inherently romantic.

Romance isn’t solely about love, although it intensifies with love. It’s the excitement of “newness,” often involving respite from daily stress; a sense of personal achievement outside work, school, or family. It requires connection – to nature, each other, or ourselves – and appreciating beauty, which is challenging in our escapist culture.

Some individuals are so guarded that they miss opportunities for connection. They assume interest has ulterior motives rather than a desire for connection. Often, they unintentionally miss deeply craved opportunities.

Romance enriches daily life, breaks habits, and expands self-perception and capabilities. It reminds us we’re not just task-oriented beings; we have senses yearning to be engaged.

Constant vacation isn’t feasible. So how do we integrate romance? Rest is crucial but often sacrificed.

In 2024, the average American works many hours. This includes part-time workers, suggesting many full-time workers work even more. Commuting, errands, childcare, chores, and socializing leave little time for romance, often including time off. Many receive no paid time off, many leave unused time off, and many work during time off. Even with opportunities to recharge, it’s not prioritized.

Technology is often blamed for sensory disconnection, and this holds some truth. Daily screen time is high, significantly impacting real-life interactions. Online connection exists, but excessive device use isolates us from immediate surroundings and deeper romantic connections.

Since our systems don’t support romantic living, we must actively create time for it. Worker rights advocates push for work-life balance. This increased free time could boost romance. Ethnographer Kristen Ghodsee’s Why Women Have Better Sex Under Socialism highlights the increased sexual frequency with more free time, childcare, and family support.

While ideal work-life balance is distant, steps can be taken. Limit screen time, proactively schedule connection – with strangers, partners, or in nature. A weekly or monthly date is a start.

Romance isn’t frivolous or elusive; it’s accessible with intentional time investment.