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Back in the late 1980s, at age 17, I fell for a 19-year-old coworker from another country. After work, he’d return home. Our relationship continued through love letters (international calls were too expensive). I saw each letter as incredibly romantic.
About six months into our relationship, a letter arrived addressed to “Mrs. [his last name].” My mother was concerned, viewing it as possessive and too serious. She insisted I break up with him. I did, but I was still in love and secretly continued writing letters. I thought being called “Mrs.” was romantic and that my mom was exaggerating.
At 21, after five years of a long-distance relationship, we started dating in person. I believed it was true love. By 24, I was experiencing emotional abuse and physical threats, feeling lost. It happens gradually. I was confused by his behavior because he’d express his love while mistreating me. I was educated and aware of domestic violence, but I didn’t know how to handle the confusion, the feeling of being frozen, and the gaslighting. Society often blames women for staying, so I felt that if I stayed or loved him, the abuse was my fault.
According to the American College of Surgeons, intimate partner violence is the primary cause of severe injury or death for women aged 18 to 24 in the U.S. If this surprises you, it’s time to take notice. This also affects adolescent girls, with increasing numbers being killed by their partners. A found that 7% of teen homicides were committed by current or former partners.
Adolescence is a crucial developmental period where young individuals are susceptible to societal influences. The rise of misogyny (like the spread of as a slogan), an in forced and violent sex against girls, and a culture that as a girls’ problem, rather than a boys’ problem, may worsen the already significant teen mental health crisis.
Teen dating violence (TDV) is a of (IPV), encompassing “physical violence, sexual violence and coercion, psychological aggression, and stalking,” and is linked to an risk for future intimate partner violence, depression, anxiety, mental and physical health issues, substance abuse, and suicidal thoughts. In 2025, at least in the U.S. have dealt with teen dating violence, according to Love Is Respect, and it is seriously affecting them.
Intimate partner violence impacts people of all genders and backgrounds, although it and other marginalized groups disproportionately. “The links between TDV and negative results were more commonly reported among females than males.” Sadly, this imbalance extends to the homicide rate for TDV as well. Ninety percent of adolescents murdered by a partner are girls.
Teen issues are often dismissed, yet teens are affected by our nation’s most overlooked problems. They are most at , which is the primary cause of death for young people in America, and they are experiencing trauma at higher rates. Adding intimate partner violence to a teen’s already-stressful life can severely impact their future well-being and relationships.
American teen girls have seen a recent increase in depression and anxiety. In February 2023, the reported that 1 in 5 girls experienced sexual violence in the past year, and 1 in 10 were forced to have sex, a 20% and 27% increase since 2017. Additionally, a shocking 1 in 3 girls reported seriously considering suicide. It’s time to act.
We can help young people prepare for and learn about teen intimate partner violence. First, take teens and their relationships seriously. Don’t dismiss teen love as unreal. Instead, use it as a chance to ensure they develop healthy relationship ideals. Second, teach children about consent and healthy relationships. Point out examples and make it a regular conversation. Third, when intimate partner violence is in the news, avoid blaming the victim. This silence keeps survivors afraid. Instead of asking “Why didn’t she leave?”, ask “Why did he abuse his family?” Asking “Why didn’t she leave?” or “Why did she go back?” teaches young people, including future survivors, to blame the victim and discourages them from leaving harmful relationships.
Lastly, take abusive behavior seriously and discuss it openly. Don’t just say “break up with him.” Explain why, discuss red flags, and define abuse. Educate yourself. Abusers often start abusing after trapping their target through isolation, marriage, or parenthood. Being trapped is often due to bad luck, not bad judgment. Talking about it breaks the silence and encourages survivors to leave, find safety, and share their experiences.
For me, sharing my story and helping teen survivors share theirs has been the best way to heal from the impact on my life and self-worth. I hope we can understand intimate partner violence, overcome the stigma, and support survivors by being trustworthy adults during difficult times.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline via text or call at .
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