NEW YORK — While it’s now a humorous family anecdote, Lisa Highfill remembers the day nearly two decades ago quite differently.
She had just parked when her then-eight-year-old son revealed a schoolyard discovery.
“My son said, ‘There’s no Santa. You’ve been lying to me’,” recalls Highfill, 56, of Pleasanton, California. “He caught me off guard; I was speechless.”
She’s not alone. The holidays bring joy, gifts, and the perennial parental dilemma: should we tell children the truth about Santa Claus? (If you don’t know the truth, stop reading now!)
Santa Claus, the jovial, bearded figure celebrated for centuries as a global gift-giver, is inescapable. He’s featured in poems, stories, films, and songs, judging children’s behavior and receiving countless treats.
Remarkable for someone who doesn’t exist.
(Spoiler alert too late?)
Many parents cherish the magic
Many adults believe in perpetuating the Santa myth, offering children a brief period of holiday enchantment before reality sets in. Others are more hesitant, questioning the implications of constant surveillance and the ethicality of parental deception in an age of misinformation.
David Kyle Johnson, a philosophy professor at King’s College in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, worries about parents’ lengths to maintain the illusion, denying children’s growing suspicions about Santa’s logistical capabilities.
“It’s fun, but you’re also teaching critical thinking and evidence evaluation,” Johnson says. “How many adults believe things simply because they want to, because it feels good, or because it confirms their worldview?”
Tara Boyce prioritizes honesty with her six- and seven-year-old sons, revealing she’s always been Santa and that Christmas doesn’t require him. However, she acknowledges that other families have different traditions and discourages her sons from disillusioning their friends.
Her sons “love Christmas: the lights, movies, music, cartoons, and all the festive aspects,” says Boyce, 46, of Livermore, California.
“They haven’t missed the mystery of Santa, but they appreciate everything else.”
The modern ‘Santa’ recipe is multifaceted
An American creation blending various European cultures and immigrant traditions, Santa Claus emerged in the 19th century and became firmly ingrained in American culture by the early 20th century.
Unlike the Tooth Fairy or Easter Bunny, Santa has a rich, developed backstory, says Thomas Ruys Smith, a professor of American literature and culture at the University of East Anglia.
“Where does he live? Is he married? Who makes his toys? Popular culture provides answers,” he notes. “We feel we know Santa Claus.”
There’s no definitive evidence of harm or benefit from believing in Santa. Candice Mills, a psychology professor at the University of Texas at Dallas, found that negative feelings about discovering the truth were usually short-lived.
“They anticipate new traditions, enjoy family celebrations, and continue to appreciate Santa, even knowing it’s not real,” she says.
Mills’ research also showed many parents planned to, or were already, incorporating Santa traditions, despite their own childhood upset at learning the truth.
Highfill and her husband followed family tradition, introducing Santa to their sons. She hadn’t considered the conflict with their emphasis on honesty—a lesson her sons had clearly internalized, as the car incident revealed.
“He wouldn’t leave the car. He was screaming and crying. He felt deceived, his life was a lie. ‘How could you do this?’”
It was significant, yet didn’t diminish his holiday enjoyment. It became a shared secret, especially regarding his younger brother.
“He wanted to protect his brother’s belief,” Highfill says. “He didn’t want to spoil it for him.”
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