As the year ends, you might be considering your New Year’s resolutions. And if you’re single, some may involve dating. Whether you aim to re-enter the dating scene, refine your approach, or take a break, resolutions—or goals—can help maintain focus. They also help establish boundaries for how you wish to date and how you expect potential partners to interact with you.
It’s wise to set achievable dating goals. Overly ambitious resolutions, such as finding a partner, getting engaged, or completely transforming your sex life within a year, can be overwhelming. Your dating resolutions should guide and support you without adding undue pressure. The goal is to challenge old patterns, explore new possibilities, and meet new people. The outcome is secondary.
Three impactful resolutions for your dating life next year are: prioritizing your love life, prioritizing your emotional well-being, and dating outside your usual type.
These resolutions allow for gradual change throughout the year. You’ll likely experience both success and setbacks without losing heart. For example, if you start seeing someone who matches your typical preferences, it’s not a failure. By then, you might have gained insights into *why* you’re drawn to that type, leading to more intentional choices.
Prioritize your love life
Many clients seek my help to prioritize their love lives. They often postponed dating due to career, education, or family commitments and now feel ready to focus on this area. Making a relationship or intimacy a priority can seem daunting, but it’s important to take the leap.
Prioritizing your love life means not constantly relegating dating to the bottom of your to-do list. This might involve working with a dating coach, attending speed dating events, or creating an online dating profile. Let your resolution guide you toward making the best effort possible this year.
Put your emotional needs first
Another helpful resolution is prioritizing your emotional well-being in dating. This involves recognizing when dating feels energizing versus draining—and acting accordingly. I often see daters become overwhelmed because they push their limits. They overcommit, scheduling numerous first dates (or multiple dates in one day). They maintain the same dating effort even when facing personal challenges or fail to allow sufficient time for processing rejection.
I encourage daters to tailor their dating experiences to their needs, rather than forcing themselves through the process out of fear of missing out (FOMO). Your dating prospects improve when you’re emotionally well-equipped. If you find yourself rolling your eyes at dating app matches or dragging yourself to lackluster dates, it’s time to check in with your feelings and allow yourself to step back when the energy is off.
Prioritizing emotional needs also means leaving a date if you feel uncomfortable, regardless of how long you’ve been there, or communicating discomfort with someone’s communication style or the pace of the relationship. These boundaries protect your time and energy while informing others of your preferences and expectations.
Date against your type
Everyone approaches dating with preconceived notions. We form ideas about compatible partners based on superficial factors like education or job. But relationships are built on deeper qualities, so it’s important to give different types of people a chance, even if they don’t perfectly fit your mold.
We develop unhelpful dating patterns, and resolutions can help break these. I often advise clients to date outside their usual type, as their natural preferences might not align with long-term compatibility. How often do you hear someone say, “They’re the opposite of who I expected to be with”? You might miss out on your match if you don’t try dating different people.
Having witnessed many daters set and achieve dating goals, I understand the power of New Year’s resolutions. I’ve seen people date new types of people they enjoy, establish better boundaries regarding their time and dating, and say “no” when they might have previously said “yes” to please others. I’ve seen LGBTQIA+ clients find supportive communities, expanding their potential match networks. Some clients even resolved to focus on self-dating!
When setting your dating resolutions, remember dating is a journey of growth and change. Your resolutions should reflect your personal growth aspirations—not just the final destination.
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